Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fucksticks. Look, I'll be honest. I'm a little drunk right now. I've been mainlining tequila since that fucking game ended. I'm going to kick that motherfucking Bitchson's ass, too, because I got back to my room to a fucking 'Get Well Soon' fucking teddygram sitting in front of my door. Yeah, don't think I don't know who's responsible for that shit, motherfucker. It's on like Donkey Kong, Cornrows. You're going downtown to Chinatown. (Which reminds me, I need to ask hidekisan for directions.)

As if losing the game wasn't enough, as if me being SO FUCKING TIRED from sleeping in front of D's room all night last night wasn't bad enough, I fell asleep IN THE GOD DAMNED FIELD tonight, and got an error. ME. An ERROR. I KNOW. The umps were drinking, or something, because...I don't do errors. Apparently, they didn't get a copy of the memo I wrote them after the ALCS last year in which I very patiently and with very small words explained to them that I was not to be charged with errors, and that they shouldn't be making calls against the Yankees in Yankee Stadium, or anywhere else for that matter. Honestly. Who do those people think they are?

Speaking of errors, I need to call Mr. Boras and get my contract with SpeedStick straightened out, because I finally caught my latest commercial on the way home, and HA HA HA, ASSHOLES. YEAH. Didn't think I'd catch that little 'E5' in the lights, did you? Thought I was blind? Thought I'd be too busy making sure the light hit my dimples just right? Thought I'd be comparing my colors for the next commercial, did you? Well, okay, fine, I was, the first like, sixty times I saw the commercial. That was until tonight, when it was on in the locker room and I turned around to see how I looked in the fluorescent lighting the Orioles did tonight, and fucking SHEFFIELD was doubled over giggling. Very fucking funny, assholes. You'll pay. Oh, you'll pay. I know Kung Fu. Me and David Carradine, we're like this.

Fucking great. Some morons in the next room are yelling something about schadenfreude. I'm going to hve to go over there and slap someone soon.

I shouldn't drink tequila. It makes me angry.