That's three in a row, bitches. I TOLD you that the choreographed routine to 'Dancing Queen' would help turn things around. It really got the guys focused on the game at hand, and I could totally tell that they were getting really into the moves before yesterday's game. Let me just tell you, for such a lanky guy, RJ can seriously move. It's breathtaking. Tino's jazz hands? Magic.

Speaking of Tino, how awesome was my double last night? I know Tino's been having a hard time fitting in, being the new guy in the clubhouse and all, so I figured I'd set him up with a nice home run to make him feel at ease. Hey, man. That's just the kind of thing I do for my teammates.

OH! So I've been taking these massage classes from the local community college, right? I figured when this baseball thing is over, I might need some extra money, and massage therapy is the wave of the future. (Well, it's either that or kickboxing, but I'm a lover, not a fighter.)

D has been mighty tense out in the field for the last couple of weeks. I mean, he even started swearing at some guy sitting behind third base the other day. You shouldn't yell at fans. That's not the way to play. Unless they try to decapitate you with their bare hands, and then it's totally cool to shove them and all of the women around them. Anyway. So I figured I'd try out the new grip they showed us in class last week on him to try to get him to relax. I had to chase him all around the infield to get him to stand still long enough to get the massage. Man. He was SO excited about the win.






The whole thing involves trying to bring the ball of your thumb to meet the knuckle of your index finger through the layers of skin and muscle. You're supposed to use it on fleshy areas, like the thighs and buttocks, but D wouldn't let me grab him there, so I had to settle for the neck. It's supposed to feel really good.

Anyway, so I did that for a while, until he got wriggled stepped away and told me his back hurt. Well, I can totally help with that. I am an EXPERT back-cracker. NG told me I'm better at it than MH is. He keeps calling me and asking me to come to the Windy City to help him out with it. I keep telling him that my place is with D right now, and besides, MH keeps looking at me weird every time I'm there, like she expects me to steal her lipgloss or the silver or something.





So I cracked his back, and for some reason, Sheffield just started giggling and rolling on the floor and pointing. KB looked like he was going to throw up. What? Am I missing something?

Anway, WANG is pitching tonight, so I should probably start batting practice early. Lord knows they're going to need me to do everything AGAIN tonight. God. This is exhausting.