slappymcbluelip (slappymcbluelip) wrote,
slappymcbluelip
slappymcbluelip

So, you know, I'm sitting here checking to see whether or not my complete Strawberry Shortcake collection managed to sell on EBay...(look, if Terrell Owens is having problems feeding his family, I should probably start to worry about whether whatshername has enough ramen to snack on).

Anyway, so I start looking. And for some reason, I wind up (not because I'm a masochist or anything) looking to see whether or not any of my stuff from the ALCS made it onto EBay and seeing how many thousands of dollars my chewed up gum is going for. I mean, I haven't graced the playoffs since, like, '95, so you KNOW the vials of my sweat that I handed out to WFAN and the YES Network the fans are going for, like, the price of mansions on EBay. I mean, you KNOW people are dying for this shit, right? I mean, Christ, I Am America's Greatest Baseball Player.

So I'm looking, right? Right? And then...and then...I'm sorry, hold on, I need some chardonnay for this, Dear Diary...

I find...I find...this.



That...that...fucking....BITCHSON, with his shitty ass album, with his horrific cornrows, with his...BITCHNESS...had the...audacity to...sign...that...

I just...I...YOUR CORNROWS ARE STUPID. AND YOU SUCK. YOUR ALBUM BLOWS BECAUSE I have it on my IPod I HEARD IT AND IT SUCKS. YOUR WHOLE TEAM SUCKS. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU ALL. I HATE my team ALL OF YOU AND I WISH I went to Boston YOU WOULD CHOKE ON YOUR CORNROWS AND DIE LIKE THE BITCH YOU ARE.

YOU ARE SO JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT AMERICA'S GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYER. I HATE YOU.

::runs off sobbing::

PS: MANNY RAMIREZ SMOKES COCKS IN HELL. GARRY SHEFFIELD TOLD ME SO.
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