I'm packing up my bags and getting ready to head to Spring Training again. It's awful nice to not have this year be such a circus, like last year was. I think the fans know what to expect from me, which is nice- but they could have asked Seattle and Texas what to expect. I'm sure the fans in those cities would have let them know.
I just got back from Tampa, visiting Mr. S. He let me know how happy he was with the way I played last year, and totally agreed with me that that Ass-oroyo is a total bitch who shouldn't have gotten in my way. Next time, I'll knock his cornrowed ass over, Saturn-sized nuts or not. (Do you really think they're that big? How does he pitch with them, then? Maybe I'll ask P.- I have to take him to some 'Welcome to the City' dinner next week. What am I, the freaking Welcome Wagon? Stupid M.P., getting married and leaving the rest of us to do his work.)
He also told me that maybe, just maybe, if D. says it's okay, we can be co-captains next year. Between you and me, Dear Diary, I don't think that would make D. very happy. Before I moved up here to be with him, he'd always talk about how cool it would be if we were in the same city and how we'd totally kick ass on the field together. Ever since I got here, though, he's been all quiet. It's like he never really wanted me here in the first place, Dear Diary, and it hurts me to think I came all this way for him, and he won't even look my way any more. Ever since October, he keeps ducking my calls. I saw him leaving the stadium yesterday, and I tried to call after him, but he just kept walking. What did I do wrong? It's like he's embarrassed to be seen with me.
Well, I have to go finish packing, Dear Diary. The Chapstick people were so nice: they sent me a whole flat of that blue raspberry chapstick I like so much. How'd they know that was my favorite kind? Man. It really does pay to play for the best team in the whole world.
P.S.: I heard that R. is pitching for another year. Do you think, if I called him, I could talk to him about J.B.? I heard Boston didn't want him, either. I wonder if he has any advice...